Taking Stock
5 lessons I'm taking from my practice retirement into the real deal
My life forever changed on July 1 when I stopped practicing retirement and officially began living retirement. Of course, so much still feels very unsettled about our lives, because no matter how much you prepare for a transition life will always surprise you. Even though my husband has been retired for four years and planning toward this very moment for a very long time he is experiencing a level of disturbance that is frankly annoying and has caused multiple marital spats. This is all the more annoying because it is interfering with my ability to process! I need more alone time which is ironic considering the fact that I thought I would need more community when I left the workforce. Maybe I made community building too much a part of my practice retirement? I know that’s not true, but in truth I am busier than I expected to be and often busier than I really want to be.
That is an explanation for the reason why I am almost two weeks into this thing before I could reflect on the lessons learned from my practice retirement. Of course, because I have ADHD I have already forgotten some of those lessons and will only remember them after repeating my mistake or when some random reminder appears on my radar. Something random like water lilies.
Image by Ilona Frey from Pixabay
Lesson 1 - Look beneath the surface
Water lilies and lily pads floating on a glassy pond is the very image of serenity, but of course the truth about the water lily plant is that beneath that smooth glossy pad is a mass of stems and tubes which are busily transferring oxygen to the plant’s roots. There is a lot going on beneath the surface to keep this plant alive. That is how retirement feels for me and why the water lily struck me as such an apt metaphor. I spent a lot of time just before retirement attending to all the doctor visits and accoutrements to zero out my flexible spending account that felt necessary before changing benefit plans. Similarly, once I was able to escape pure survival mode I could work on the ways to move and feed my body that benefit me in both the short and long term yet are also sustainable for the ways my brain works, but sometimes that feels like a part-time job too.
Lesson 2 - Beware invaders
Regular readers and friends know that I love the Fable app. There are many things I love about the community (although lately the feed has been far more pet pics than book pics which I am finding very annoying), but I just love the practice of daily checking in each of my current reads to report that I read that day and updating my reading progress. It makes me feel very accomplished and also helps keep me organized because I have a lot of current reads (see Can You Have Too Many Current Reads?) and most of those reads are on the clock (because of library due dates or book club meetings). Recently I felt very judged by Fable because they will only display 10 current reads, but they might have a point. That limit was a reminder to me that just because one of my library holds becomes available does not mean I need to borrow it immediately! I’ve also learned to pay closer attention to those holds so I know what might be coming. This holds true for other activities - especially those in real life. Sometimes I am surprised to discover my calendar has several entries for the week. How did that happen? I don’t love it when I need to set my alarm clock and really don’t like it when I need to do so multiple days a week! Now I’m taking more care and not jumping at every opportunity. Mission creep can happen in retirement just like it does in the workplace. I think multiple reads are a great idea (not least because they encourage the slow read), but there is a tipping point!
Lesson 3 - Pay attention to your ecosystem
I went down a bit of a water lily rabbit hole (or should it be fish hole?) when selecting the artwork for this post. I started out simply looking for a a nice reflection image (because I knew this would be a reflective post) and something about the water lily really captured my imagination because of the many ways the plant represents these lessons. While water lilies can be an invasive species (because humans), they are also native in many locations and deliver several benefits to their ecosystems providing protection and shade for fish and frogs as well as cooling the water and producing oxygen. It is good to venture off your well-trod paths and experiment with new activities and social groups, but we must also pay attention to how those experiences feel. My book clubs have pushed me to read books and genres I would never had selected on my own which then lead to conversations about those reads. Sometimes one or both of those experiences is awkward and annoying, but at the end of most of those interactions I am glad for the experience. It gives me fresh conversation ideas to ponder and discuss as well as feeds my writing. But I also know that I’m not in the market for a new book club - at least not one with strangers. I’m already juggling too many current reads! Similarly, Monday was a busy evening with a writing group sandwiched by hanging out with friends so I was overstimulated and didn’t sleep well that night which meant that Tuesday was a pretty low energy day for me. Moderation is almost always the answer for me. I have another retired friend who is very busy and that is not the life I want. I get itchy when I am too busy or tired to write and I really hate it when I don’t have the time to pick up all my current reads (this has always been true). I can easily go a whole day (or more) without human interaction but never want to go a whole day without reading a book!
Lesson 4 - Embrace the variety
Water lilies come in many colors and so do retirements. I have a dear friend whose retirement life is so full it makes me shudder just thinking about it. We all know those people whose retired lives feel small and sad. The important thing to remember is that retirement comes in a wide range of sizes, shapes, and colors (just like water lilies) and unlike so many other life choices (careers and houses and spouses) you can try out one flavor and easily ditch it when it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth then choose something sweeter or offers a touch of the savory. This is the one season of your life when you have unlimited spoons and they are all disposable. Try as many flavors as you like and never feel the need to accept a flavor that doesn’t match your whim of the moment.
Lesson 5 - Know thyself
In addition to the benefits that native water lilies offer to their ecosystems, indigenous peoples have developed several medicinal uses for human use. My husband started volunteering at our local food pantry after he retired. It is important to him that he feel useful to our community. The food pantry and many other community organizations depend on retired volunteers like my husband. During my practice retirement (and in fact even before retirement) I thought often about what organizations and communities I wanted to serve. Right now I have no urge to sign up for anything of the sort. I am allowing myself to rest and recover from the trauma of working in education for 25 years. I have an entire working lifetime of being of service to my community. I think I’m good if I never do another good work. It is also a good idea for me to take this time to refresh and renew. I suspect that there will come a time in the future when I want to act on one or more of the plans I made when planning my retirement. I reserve the right to change my mind! While my busy friend’s retirement is not right for me at this time, I also know that many people find the idea of multiple book clubs a nightmare (I might once have agreed!). I do know that I am not looking for anything that feels like a job right now, but recognize that may not always be true.
If you are already retired, what lessons/advice/tips do you want to offer me? If you are in the dream/plan stage of life what do you want to know? Be sure to subscribe to Deanna’s Third Act/Space for updates about reading, watching, and writing in community!